A mother of two, a wife of one and a woman in search of a strong cocktail
05/16/12Camp: BoredAhhhh....did you hear? Summer is upon us. In just a few short weeks, the aisles of Target will be crammed with hyper children. Trips to Trader Joe’s will become less pleasurable and more contact sport. And the sanity of mothers everywhere falls slowly, but surely, from Somewhat Intact to Holding On By A Thread. At first, the seduction of summer sucks you in. A break from the every day “let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go get your shoes on get your shoes on get your shoes on get your shoes on” is a welcome one. After all, long, lazy summer days are pretty much the greatest thing about being a kid. That and unlimited amounts of ice cream, obviously. But how quickly we forget in those first... |
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04/30/12Burp Cloth BluesThe other day I got the urge to clean out the hall closet. When these kind of urges strike, I must abandon all other plans before losing motivation because once I start...I cannot stop. The Gelato Family tends to get a tad nervous when I get in these purging moods; nothing is safe, not too much is sacred and I am usually in a somewhat...aggressive mood because it’s safe to say that the need to purge came from picking up everyone else’s crap all the time. You don’t want to pick it up? Neither do I. Let’s just trash it, shall we? There I was, happily dumping old towels, random pillowcases, that big, scented bar of soap we all have for no apparent reason, old bottles of medicine, but I stopped in my tracks when I came across a... |
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04/11/12Dr. DoomIt’s almost that time again. Time to sweat a little. Time to question all the choices you made in the last six months. Time to wonder why you just didn’t take that extra minute each night to get certain tasks done. Yes; it’s time to take Son to the dentist for the fun game doctors everywhere love to play: How Good of a Parent Are You? For those of you who may not be familiar with the guilt trip accompanied by visiting any medical office pertaining to your children’s health, let me fill you in. ONE: Here in Gelato Land, we can’t WAIT to visit the dentist! There are VIDEO GAMES! MOVIES! TOYS TOYS TOYS! And of course, the token GINORMOUS FISH TANK! It’s like a Wonderland of everything... |
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03/22/12Booby TrapI’m pretty sure that if you are a woman who has grown a child or two or three inside of your body, you have once or twice perhaps mentioned ways in which those pregnancies have forever ruined certain body parts. When I was pregnant with Son, varicose veins started popping out of my leg and they frightened me. When I was pregnant with Daughter, those veins only got larger and larger and they frightened not only me, but poor, unsuspecting strangers who couldn’t help but stare and ask me, What is happening to your leg? THE MAGIC OF LIFE, LADY. Leave me alone. The sole benefit of the veins, which strangely only popped out on my right leg, was that I had On Demand Leg Rubbing from Husband. Much to my relief, and I’m sure... |
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02/28/12Party HardyIt’s no secret that once you become a parent, the social life you enjoyed Pre-Offspring is Long Gone. It’s not that you never go out, it’s just that you have moderation in mind when doing so. Because when a two year old with poop in her diaper is your wake up call at 5:23 in the morning, you tend to behave...differently than you would if your wake up call is, well, nothing at all. But...not always. No, no, no...while many Saturday nights out are spent simply with friends and an extra glass or two of wine and home in bed by 11, some Saturday nights still need to be spent with your balls to the wall. Some Saturday nights you need to remind yourself that YOU STILL GOT IT. Husband recently blew off moderation when we... |
02/14/12A little love...For those of you who may know Husband personally and question Him while he is out and about with the common-Dude, how can you let her write that about you?-you need to know a few things about Husband; first, he knows who he married and she has been making him squirm with sometimes inappropriate laughter for almost 9 years. Also, Husband is a pretty confident man and a few jokes about his inability to close closet doors isn’t really going to shake him up too much. But most importantly, what you may not know about Husband is that HE LIKES THE ABUSE. He admitted as much to me the other day when he said my blog is funnier when I am making fun of him. To which I immediately replied...No problemo! And also...um...honey...you know if you give me an inch, I... |
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02/08/12Playing FavoritesHave you ever wondered if your parents had a favorite child and if so...was it you? I was the youngest, so clearly I believed that I was the favorite even though I got picked on the most and my brother farted on my head. My sister was the oldest and I’m pretty sure she thinks she got gypped because she had to be Responsible and Babysit Us On Her Summer Vacation. Also, she was the guinea pig of the bunch...I mean...the oldest has to be, right? My brother...well, he was the middle and the only boy, so, you know, he was the Handsome Hero. Who farted on my head. (Did I mention that?) Then there was yours truly, who will forever be remembered for sitting on a banana in the car while on Pike’s Peak in Colorado and also the fact that I once... |
01/31/12Training Day(s)Recently, as I began the potty training process with Daughter, I was quickly reminded that there is Potty Training and then there is Poop Training. Potty training is all M&M’s and Unicorns but Poop Training is more like hellfire and rodents. Now, this is only my experience as I understand that there are kids in this world who just ...go poop...in the toilet...like it’s NO BIG DEAL. (Flashback to Poop-Training Son: saw a friend with his boys at the park and his son had just taken a poop. In the park bathroom. With no trauma inflicted on either party. I. Was. Amazed.) I held out a very small sliver of hope that Daughter would just poop like a normal person on the toilet and we would laugh and dance about how wonderful and easy... |
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01/26/12Unplugged (?)Lately I have been pondering with the idea of pulling an Oprah on my kids and denying them the pleasure and magic that is television. Really, the only thing stopping me is because I know how painful it will be. For me. Now, if you are one of those parents who’s kids “don’t watch TV,” well, let me be the first to congratulate you. And then call you a dirty little liar. I’m sorry to call you names, but I have a hard time believing that there is no TV. But also, if it is true that you are so magnificent and wonderful that your kids do not watch or need television for you to maintain moments of sanity, well, then, calling you names makes me feel better about myself. (And I worship you.) No matter how much or how... |
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01/19/12And now...what?I sat here for some time staring at a blank computer screen wondering how to start this post, which is exactly what this post is about. Where to start. How to start. Again. For the past five years, my daily existence has been one consisting of parks, snacks, diapers, potty training, tantrums, maintaining sanity, sleep training, tantrums, bribery, board games, library trips, lots and lots and lots of walks, and the occasional tantrum. And while it’s been hard and lonely at times, it has mostly been wonderful and I feel so grateful that I have had this time with my children. While my kids are still young, in just a couple of short years they will both be at school full time and that forces me to wonder...what’s next? Where... |
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Have you heard? Raising kids (and husbands) is hard work. Kids are cute, but kind of a pain in the ass and husbands have a difficult time, you know, closing drawers and loading the dishwasher correctly. Take a break, read my blog, and know that you are not alone. For all your gelato needs, check out 
